For the first time in a few months I finally have something to write AND that smile in the picture is REAL! It’s been so hard for me to write lately because all I’ve been wanting to put out is content that is going to touch someone yet I’ve been so emotional about so much that anything I write would have just been me bleeding on the page so I took a break. My book took a break, my heart took a break, and my brain took a break from the pen and self expression.
Before being able to come back to my craft I had to come to terms with the fact that a lot of why I say and do things is due to my ego and my ego was screwing up my ability to release good content. My ego feels the need to explain herself and prove that she is right but God and my ancestors have been doing some major work on your girl ! I realize now that none of the bullshit that others feel justified in doing to me has anything to do with me and as much as my empathetic heart might feel a way, it’s really my ego that is bruised. Imani Blaize however, is just fine. That’s why I’ve been able to stop walking around with this bruised ego thinking I’m not good enough because so and so said so. And most importantly, I have learned how to stop drowning my writing with my tears. Believe it or not, I do actually have great parts about my life. Like my amazingly booming business, the growing relationship with my dad, my new sense of self love, my spiritual journey, and the fine ass twin flame I think I might have manifested ! We will not be talking about twin flames for a little while though because Imani still has some work to do and so does my twin flame OBVIOUSLY since I'm not going home to sit on his face after I post this am I ? hahahahaha
While I was taking my time to not impulsively post my feelings on social media , I realized that my ability to FEEL and transmute my feelings is a gift that most people envy. I stopped feeling bad about how outspoken I am and started remembering that I spark whole fires within people, I birth new beginnings. I forgot who I was for a minute because I was putting my self worth into men, friendships, and followers but then I realized that every single one of these souls have stuck around for a reason whether they would like to admit it or not, whether they show me support or not.
Let’s check my resume shall we? I’m dope as hell, can make hard times look like a walk in the park, I will give you the shirt off of my back, and my passion for black people is unmatched. Mix that with my hustle mentality and my hard knock life childhood and you’ve got yourself a stone cold KILLA named Imani Blaize. My fire is scorching hot and if you’re too weak to face your shadow side, I will burn you. The people afraid of my wrath tried to put my fire out by making me feel like I’m “too much” but really ... they just aren’t enough to be in my life on a close level. These days, the weak dispose of themselves. I don’t even have to do any work.
That’s why I gracefully surrender to all of the lies told about me by people who used me for my light and disposed of me when the requirements to be in my life became too hard. Imani isn't going to clear anything up because God knows who I am and so do the people who really know me. Maybe they aren’t lies, just misunderstandings, but either way, Imani can’t waste another day trying to prove herself to anyone. People would rather see you as the bad guy, spread negative narratives about you, and bask in their bullshit than to really look at themselves and take ownership of the toxic parts of them. For that reason I love everyone that doesn’t love themselves enough to do their shadow work but this girl here ... yeah, she’s doing and has done hers. That’s why I’m sooooo happy these days even while fighting off depression on those harder days.
My amazing vibe has attracted amazing people into my life who I can call and who will ACTUALLY be there for me, not treat me like a charity case. I am so thankful for the journey maaaaaan. I hope whoever is reading this gets a little burst of light because I was in HELL just a few months ago. But old Imani died so that new Imani can live and honey ... my fingers work again. More heat is on the way ! In the meantime, catch me at Lyrical Healing here in Charlotte this weekend. I am performing a new piece. If you were there last time.. you know nothing I put on the paper is shallow. I get DEEP. Anyhow, hope this wasn’t too much of a diary. I just really have missed writing and it feels good to be back in a space where I can do it with ease again.
Sending love and light,