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Believe in your Boundaries. Say Goodbye.

Boundaries.... I keep seeing this word all over social media and I am so happy to finally understand the meaning of the word. Boundaries are those things that make you tick. For example, a guy not texting you back for 3 days with no real explanation is not something that we should be putting up with as women. That is a boundary that should not be crossed. I've learned through healthy self healing that upholding your beliefs in your boundaries will teach others how to treat you. Sticking to your boundaries also gets rid of anyone who should not be in your life. If someone cannot respect your boundaries they cannot respect you,anyone who does not respect you should not be a major part of your life. 

I knew I was doing a terrible job with my boundaries when I could literally hear my inner voice yelling at me every time I betrayed myself. Even just recently, I knew a guy I was dealing with was not upholding my boundary to not push sex when we hung out. Each time we hung out however, there he was feeling up on my thigh and trying to get to my "spot". I felt terrible about myself because even though I made the boundary clear, he CLEARLY had no intention of respecting it. I took this as him not respecting me period and I decided to end our relationship altogether. Even though he was perfectly okay with not having sex, the fact that he would try was enough to show me there was no future in us. After cutting him off I felt SO GOOOOOOD about myself so I took it a step further and pulled the scissors out on a few folks that had crossed boundaries as well.

When it comes to female relationships it is important that my love is reciprocated and when it is not, I insert my boundaries. It takes me a little while to do this because I love hard but the more I heal, the easier it becomes to choose myself. This was the case with a recent situation with someone I still love dearly. Our relationship had become weird and I communicated with my sister that I was concerned about our relationship. She gave me such a cold shoulder and even though cold shoulders are a boundary of mine, I ignored that and hoped that she would know how much I cared about our relationship and she wouldn't let her ego run the show. This did not happen and for over a month if not more, my sister allowed me to think whatever I wanted about our relationship instead of prioritizing making sure I knew that we were okay. Call me emotional but I take my sisterships very seriously and I expect my sisters to do the same.  I knew that eventually my sister might contact me but I told myself that when she did, I would insert my boundary and distance myself from that kind of energy. My love is unconditional and it does not fade or flake when I'm dealing with my own personal issues. People in my life should be treating me the same way. If they want to fix things with me I am always willing , my boundaries must be respected however. 

Inserting your boundaries and saying goodbye to people you love is going to be a part of life when you love yourself. You have to love yourself enough to wait for those people who will respect your boundaries and be strong enough to stand alone if they never do come. So next time someone CLEARLY has you effed up, you slap that boundary card on the table and leave. 

Love and Light, 

Imani B


Charlotte, NC, USA