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Goodbye Codependency, I've learned to carry my own weight.

Hey there honey bun,

It's  time to get down to the nitty gritty and have a real talk session on this fine self care Sunday. Today I want to first, thank God for giving me the desire to keep writing because sometimes the things I want to write about are things I know most women don't really want to talk about so, I hold back. That's not the case these days though. I've adopted a term called "GODfidance" after connecting with a new soul while I was you know, aligning myself with the kind of people I flow with since I got tired of forcing people to like and love me.

Having GODfidance means that you are willing to undergo criticism, speak your truth, and fulfill your God given mission on this earth by ANY means necessary. 

So let's talk about it..... C O D E P E ND E N CY . Codependency is characterized by a person belonging to a dysfunctional, one-sided relationship where one person relies on the other for meeting nearly all of their emotional and self-esteem needs. We as women don't often become aware of the fact that we have become codependent on others until it is too late, if at all. We don't even realize how codependent we are on social media, the amount of friends we have, and our love life status to feel "valid". 

For myself,it was not until I found myself alone in what started off as being a perfect relationship, that I was able to understand what I was dealing with. You see, when you are codependant on others for the love you do not have for yourself, you stay in situations longer than you should. Taking a look into my childhood through mental health therapy helped me to realize that every close relationship has failed due to my codependency issues. 

I'd see the red flags in a person for a really long time but I'd ignore the signs  because well, who else is gonna love me? Who else is gonna be my friend ? Codependency isn't just putting up with your "ain't shit man".. no honey... it's deeper. It's putting up with AIN'T SHIT FRIENDS too. Looking back, I laugh at the nonsense I used to accept from women that claimed to love me. I set no boundaries for myself and I allowed these women to treat me like I was disposable and so.. they disposed of me in a way that the universe has continued to mirror for me. 

I would end up having the same issue with every failed relationship and I would end up frustrated with the individual because I couldn't believe they were willing to walk away from me when I would never. I used to see a huge problem with this and I would call it "disloyalty" but really... it was self love. 

I've learned now that before I became aware of my emotional triggers, I'd drain the hell out of anyone my inner child had latched onto. This is why I practice CONNECTING with individuals instead of growing attached. When you become attached to someone, that's when codependency gets the chance to shine. 

How do you know if you deal with codependency? 

Children of addiction, neglect, abuse or any type of childhood trauma, acquire social and emotional habits and patterns that no longer work in adulthood. Survival behaviors such as compulsive care taking, martyring, scapegoating, controlling, people-pleasing, and approval-seeking are classic examples.

You'll do absolutely ANYTHING to keep people around making you feel love, including lose yourself in the process. Ever felt strongly about something but you didn't speak your truth because you were afraid you'd lose that person? Yeah, that's that biotch codependency. 

Listen sis, 

we are breaking generational curses and one of those curses is CODEPENDENCY. The only way to heal is to go inward and learn to give yourself the same love you keep trying to force out of everyone else. That means sitting yo ass down somewhere and just being ALONE. That means keeping it real with yourself and realizing that the relationships your'e fostering don't even bring out the best you or nurture you. 

 So read these words and walk with them moving forward : 

- I will walk away from any relationship that requires that I dim my light. 

- I will walk away from any relationship that does not give me the freedom to be my true, authentic self. 

- I will walk away from any relationship that crosses my personal boundaries.

- Other people in my life or lack thereof, does not define me. 

- I am perfect on my own, other souls just make my walk on earth more fun. 

-I am never alone, God and my spirit guides walk with me every single day. 

-I am never without love. I am love. 

Are you feeling lost, lonely, or loathing your existence due to what other people think of you? Well today is the day you say goodbye to that low energy and rise up. 

The good news is now that you're aware of why its so hard to just walk to the beat of your own drum no matter who stays or leave, you can do something about it. 

You can go within, learn to love the hell out of you, and heal the next woman. You're literally light sis ! Do you know that ? Why on earth does it even matter who loves you in this realm. Come on now GODdess, you know this is JUST the physical realm. 

Sending Love & Light, 

Imani Blaize 


Charlotte, NC, USA