I've taken a long break! This break has caused me to take a hard look at self. The area in my life of focus has been marriage. Marriage is always going to a be priority to me because it's my first ministry.
For if a man does not know how to rule his own household, how is he to take care of the church of God?
I Timothy 3:5
Home will always be my first priority because if I can't have peace within how can I have peace outwardly. In pursuit of that peace sometimes when things don't go my way the timing is off I may grow frustrated. But frustration is a sign that I'm doing things in my own strength and not Gods. Home should be everyone's first priory now home can mean many things. Home could be your actual household and family or home could be self. Either way the finger points back to us.
As I focused on my marriage I began to point the finger a lot at my husband tallying all the things that he doesn't do right in my eyes. Which was proof that I had drifted from God by leaning on my own understanding. After a while I got back to intentionally reading his word and begin to see my error in myself.
The transition from becoming a worker bee since age 14 to a stay at home mom has affected both of us. The enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy so if he can use any circumstance to makes us lose focus on each-other he will. He accomplished it for a little while until I woke up. NOOOOO! I'm not saying the enemy possessed us and war begin between my husband and I. I'm saying that the enemy has studied the human nature for centuries and us individually. So he knows our triggers he knows what can send us off the edge so sometimes he tries to make us focus on everything that goes wrong in our eyes.
During my time to study Proverbs 16 memories flashed in my mind of how I may complain about characteristics of my husband and circumstances. Here's some versus that stood out to me:
The highway of the upright turns aside from evil; he who guards his ways preserves life. Proverbs 16:17
2. Pleasent words are as a honeycomb, sweet to the mind and healing to the body. Proverbs 16:24
3. A worthless man devises and digs up mischief, and in his lips is as a scorthicng fire. Proverbs 16: 27
4. A perverse man sows strife, and a Whisperer separates close friends. Proverbs 16: 28
5. He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, he who rules [his] own spirit than he who takes a city. Proverbs 16:32
1. Explained to me how I have to be a protector of my energy. I must not let circumstances ruin me or determine my being as a person. If my husband comes home after a rough day at work grouchy I should respond in anger but in love. I shouldn't allow his frustration determine my joy.
2. I struggle with mouth at times . I do know it''s powerful but in the heat of emotion I may not think straight and blurt out the words that aren't fruitful or uplifting. Because the stay at mom transition is tough on both me and my husband I have to remember that the pressure to provide for a family of four and sometimes more can be tough. I forget my husbands struggle as black man in America. Not only does he face disrespect in his field because of the color of his skin but getting paid less than is white counterparts or fighting to prove his ability in a white dominated industry. Then he has to come home to a nagging wife (I myself am struggling to adjust and sometimes that come off as complaint and nagging lol). It's important that I build hum up with sweer words and not a constant reminder o how much he falls short.
3-4. When I get in a mood and talk to a close friend about all the things he's doing wrong it makes my heart grow bitter. So we must rely on the old saying if you don't have anything nice to say don't say it at all. Going to others to talk about problems isn't wrong. Because we have to seek wise counsel but we must be careful to not run off and talk about our problems because our words may cause distance between our loved ones.
5. Finally the anger..... I learned that I must focus to control my weakness and not try to get my husband to control his. How am I preaching to my husband about patience and I can't remain calm a difficult circumstances. How can I require my husband to have faith if even I don't believe.
So once again the finger was pointed at me. That's what God's word does it forces us to come to grips with some truths about ourself.
For the Word that God speaks is alive and full of power [making it active, operative, energizing, and effective]; it is sharper than any two-edged sword, penetrating to the dividing line of the breath of life (soul) and [the immortal] spirit, and of joints and marrow [of the deepest parts of our nature], exposing and sifting and analyzing and judging the very thoughts and purposes of the heart.Hebrews 4:12
We love to try to blame our problems outwardly because thats all we can see but very seldom do we look in the mirror at ourselves and how we have contribute to those circumstances. We have to be honest with ourselves and stop playing the blame game. No one can make us cuss them out we choose to do that. No one can MAKE us mad we chose to react that way. So repent meaning change the way you think. This al contributes to the bettering of self!