How could I ever have the nerve to say no if I already know how the results will go? How dare I have the guts to choose me? I’m the people pleaser and that’s all I can be.
I suffer in silence despite how I feel. I wear a bright smile but my pain is real. I don’t know what it’s like to put myself first. I actually think it’s my gift which has made things worse.
Last night while I was crying and there was no one to call, I realized why this was and made sense if it all. If I tell the world “I got this” then that’s what they’ll believe. But if I say I need a helping hand then that’s what I’ll conceive.
I understand now why people have friends. Why it’s important to hear “it’ll work out in the end”. I cannot deal with everything alone. So now if I need to, I pick up the phone.
What’s gotten into me? Why can’t you call me anymore? The people pleaser died and her soul is out the door. I’ll be there for you if you are there for me but if my love can’t be reciprocated then I’ll choose to let you be. After years of people pleasing I choose the word “no”. “I’m not feeling this party”.. the nice girl has got to go.